Dissection of ‘The Wave’

Trade oscillations are brisk, low impact, sluggish acknowledgements.

According to Wikipedia a wave is an oscillation accompanied by a transfer of energy that travels through space or mass.  I suppose I do oscillate slightly when I wave at someone but how much energy I transfer through space or mass depends on who it is really. Humans wave to each other, it is the common courtesy of acknowledging the existence of another person when you are unable to stop and speak with them. When you see someone you know and you can’t stop you wave – right?  In a town of 1800 people you see someone you know about every thirty seconds, sometimes you can see the same someone you know about twenty times in one day.  So what is the rule of oscillation commitment in a small town? How much energy should one expend per wave per twenty four hour period?  These are the type of questions that keep me up at night – these are the truly great mysteries of the Universe.  And as I am an anally retentive Virgo I must create order from the chaos.

The Rule of Oscillation Commitment

1. Oscillation commitments are broken down into two rounds per day. Priority oscillation is always granted to the first round of the day and to the first acquaintance visualisation experience of each twenty-four hour period.
2. The first round of oscillations encompass the a.m. of each weekday and more specifically the two-hour window between Trade commencement and post school drop off.
3. Trade oscillations are brisk, low impact, sluggish acknowledgements. They require the lifting of one index finger only from the steering wheel. Early morning walkers/joggers may choose to spread the fingers of one hand only without deviating their upper limb stride.  For those with a more complicated upper limb stride a nod of the head will suffice.
4. School drop off oscillations require a higher level of commitment, e.g. a minimum of four fingers lifted from the steering wheel, providing both oscillating parties have school age offspring.  If one party does not have school age offspring refer to above Trade oscillation requirements.
5. First round oscillations between female parties who are more than just acquaintances will include the commitment of one whole hand lifted and oscillated vigorously from side to side, the same commitment is required from pedestrians and motor vehicle occupants alike.
6. First round oscillations on a Monday between parties who drank significant amounts of alcohol on the weekend together may require an even higher level of commitment with the possible inclusion of sign language referring to a particular weekend event.  This extensive oscillation will, of course, be dependent on the outcome of the excessive alcohol consumption and it’s positive or negative effect on the parties concerned.
7. Second round oscillations commence post school drop off and remain in play for the remainder of the week.
8. Oscillations occurring in the second round may require less commitment presuming first round commitments have been met.  Should the first visualisation of an acquaintance occur during second round times refer to first round commitments.
9. Repeat acquaintance visualisation experiences between the same parties during the second round require a Trade oscillation commitment only or may, set on a precedence basis, oscillate only once during the first round and not subsequently in a 24 hour period.
10. Repeat visualisation experiences between close friends may exacerbate the oscillation commitment dependent on the sense of humour of both parties. Determined from prior behaviour lavish oscillations may include the use of both hands, pointed fingers, extended thumbs, facial expressions and vocal accompaniment culminating in a private oscillation experience unique between both parties.
11. As per Rule 10 oscillation commitments will also be exacerbated between all local parties should a significant local event occur.  The involved parties may never have oscillated to each other previously and will not  in the future.  Such oscillations will be considered a one-off occasion and are exempt from normal commitment rules.  Significant local events may include but are not limited to: the survival of the community from a natural disaster, the eradication of a particularly annoying person from the community or success in any grade of football or netball finals.

Oscillation Exemptions

1. Should either party dislike the other party due in part or in full to a private incident which may or may not have included someone else’s girlfriend then either party is entitled to pretend that the other party does not exist and therefore is not visible to oscillate to.
2. Should either party dislike the other party but said other party is not aware of the dislike.  Then either party may choose to pretend to look the other way therefore evoking the not visible to oscillate to exemption as per above.